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Today I had my eyes dilated.
One thing you probably don't know about me is that when I was a toddler I had an eye injury that almost took my sight in my right eye. Every eye doctor who has looked in my eye since that time has said the same thing, "WOW! Look at that! What happened to you? THAT'S AMAZING -- you are one lucky girl that you can even see anything out of that eye." They go on and on as they look at the scars and pigment floating inside my eye and the jagged scar across the outer lens of my eye. Today was no different.
You see, I have vision in both eyes -- not good vision, but I am able to see. I am GRATEFUL for corrective lenses for without them my world would be one big blur. When things are blurry and out of focus constantly you end up second guessing yourself, your judgment, your thoughts -- basically everything around you. Your depth perception is non-existent -- field of vision -- peripheral vision -- nothing is clear. Your world turns gray and dark as you try to feel your way around -- counting steps -- choosing the familiar.
Today as I stepped out of the ophthalmologist's office all I could think was WOW! It's a bright, bright world out here! I had to head back into the building to find my sunglasses in my bag, put them on and then head out once again into the brightness of the day. The thing is today is actually a very cloudy day. No sunshine, no shadows -- just heavy cloud cover. Most people would say it's a gray overcast day -- yuck. I might even have said that -- as I went into the office. Coming out of the office, however, my mindset had completely changed.
Isn't that funny how a single event can change your perspective?
Maybe you had three choices -- and now only two -- and what was less in your perspective just became more. Maybe you were almost run over -- and your perspective on life shifted so that you are thankful for living one more day. Maybe what used to be important -- just faded into the background as you are choosing to live in this moment -- not past moments.
I know I have spoken a lot about perspective. That's because mine is changing. I hope you will bear with me while I share.
There is so much in one's life that can change in an instant. We tend to gravitate towards those "events" in our lives: the close calls; the missed calls; the opportunities not taken. We focus on what could have been rather than what IS. Today, I want to choose to be grateful for what IS. Not only do I choose to be grateful for what IS --but WHO is.
I am grateful for those who choose to be present with me. I am grateful for those who choose to show me that they love me and work to include me in their circle of influence. I am grateful for those people who respond to my friendship, laugh with me, and spend time with me. Being grateful for those around me helps keep my focus outward, but I am also learning to be grateful for me.
Me.
My thoughts, my feelings, my weirdness. Me.
Some people would call that narcissism. Some would call it selfishness.
Others call it self-love. Positive self-esteem. Positive regard for oneself.
See, I'm learning to regard myself as someone who counts. Someone who has worth. Someone who has value and who might not be like E.F. Hutton, but who might have a nugget here and there to share. I am learning that there is nothing wrong with thinking such things or saying such things because I still know where I came from and who my Maker is. Trust me -- learning positive self-talk is not an easy thing for me. I struggle with self-love. It's much easier to love others than myself.
I think I need to remember to look at myself through dilated pupils every day. I need to remember those close calls, but not stop there. I need to let them open a world of not only what IS, but WHO IS.
