To be or not to be....a Control Freak

There are many lessons to be learned as we journey along life's path.  Big lessons - small lessons...there is something to be learned from all of them.  Some things we learn from negative experiences.  Some things we learn from positive experiences.  Any moment is a teaching moment if we look for the lesson.  I was listening to a book this week and the author's idea was along the same lines in reference to a piece of clothing that was bought but never worn.  She indicated that it was okay that it was never worn, for she learned that she really didn't like that style or how it made her feel after she bought it.  She brought it into her home and it taught her something.  I like the aspect that anything in our lives can be used to teach us something whether it be what we like or what we don't like.

Years ago I started a list of things I have learned about myself.  I add to it as I discover things about myself.  Reviewing it from time to time sheds more light on who I am becoming as I grow in my life's journey.  At the top of my list is a lesson that I wish I had learned long ago.  It is a lesson that resurfaces over and over in my life especially as I interact with people in my sphere of influence and especially as I parent our children.  

The lesson is this: 

No matter how much I want to or try --

 I cannot control the actions and responses of others.

I cannot control their words.

I cannot control how they respond to me.

I cannot control how they show/do not show their love for me.

I cannot control their decisions.

I cannot control their thoughts.

There are times that I want to make things in my life fall within my plan.  I want to tell people what to do and make them do what I want them to do.  I want to make them think along the same lines as me.   I want them to have the same views, believe as I do, behave as I do or behave as I expect them to behave! 

Growth has made me realize how narrow-minded my wish has been.  What in the world makes me think that I have the best way?  What makes me think that I know the best response?   There is more than one way to do things.  More than one approach.  More than one way to think.  More than one response.  More than MY way.  I am trying as I listen to others to keep an open mind -- especially when their view is not like my own.  I am working on letting them be who they are and letting me be me.  Diversity brings color and interest, depth and introspection that I haven't gained in my experiences.

This lesson applies to all parts of my life.  I am learning to release the need to control and to accept that I don't have to be in control and it is okay that I am not.  When I feel the urge well up inside me to control someone or their response I try to ask myself questions:  Why do I feel like I need to control this situation, response, person, et cetera?  Why can't I just let them be themselves and appreciate their view?  These questions bring deeper realization of myself as I analyze the controlling urge within myself and they are helping to curb the desire in me to change those who disagree with me.  I am not perfect in this yet, but am working hard to be less controlling of others and to eliminate the WANT to control others. 

 What is the lesson I am learning?

The only person I truly have control over is myself.

"It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things." — Theodore Roosevelt