The Waiting Room

I have discovered that I am an impatient person.  I think it goes hand in hand with that Control Freak problem I spoke of last week.  Sometimes I don't want to wait.  I want what I want when I want it and why should I have to wait???

Breathe.  Out.   In.  Slowly. 

So much of my life has been about waiting.  I don't get what I want (and sometimes I thank God that I don't) or in the time frame that I want it in or the way that I want it.  Contrary to the popular belief of our children -- adults don't always get what they want!

 If I have learned nothing else in the past four years it has been that there is great value in waiting patiently.  There is value in taking a step back and breathing in and out and noticing how deep my breath is.  There is value in taking time and not rushing ahead with my first response and action to a situation.   There is value in waiting and seeing how things play out - whatever that might look like.   There is value in holding my tongue and being still and listening first.

I love directing things -- the choir comes to mind here.  I love getting everyone on the same page musically and pulling the same dynamics and musicality out of them so that they are headed in the right direction.  Directing a choir is one of my greatest joys after the hard work of learning the music is done.  I watch the singers and inspire with my eyes and hands and movements while keeping time.  Pulling more from my singers than they ever expected of themselves is one of my greatest joys. 

But alas, in the waiting room I can't direct, orchestrate, push, prod or control.  I have found I must use patience.

Does that mean life stops while I am waiting for the "next thing"?  No, a good coping strategy is to continue to live life.  Move forward....step by step...moment by moment...day by day...but don't look too far ahead or live in "what if land".  When I do this I find that there is growth in the waiting room.  I develop a tolerance for the silence and the slower pace in the waiting.   I find that there can be peace in the waiting if I don't try to direct or control or orchestrate or push or prod the timeline.

I am also finding that the waiting room requires more.  More sleep than usual.  More "me" time than usual.  More slow walks - not for exercise but for reflecting, breathing, thinking, clearing my thoughts and worries.  A different kind of music to be played.  It requires a bit more ice cream, too.  :)  It requires a different type of kindness to myself which helps the stress of the waiting drain away - even at intervals or for a time.  It's not easy, but it's possible.