Bit by bit

You can say that I have been on a lifetime journey to discover things about myself.   

Reading and hearing the stories of other people make me wonder how they got from point A to point B or learned C, D and E.  Understanding is high on my priority list.  I want to understand who I study.  I study a lot.  I really enjoy studying, in fact.  If you are called, my friend -- I have studied and probably am currently studying you as we talk and share, laugh and connect.  Why do I study people?  I learned from a wise person long ago that everyone has a story and we connect through those stories.  I love to connect and one can learn a lot about people and yourself if you focus on story.

In the past decade of my life I have intentionally been studying myself along with others.  It's amazing what you can learn about yourself when the microscopic or panoramic lens is turned towards yourself.  It's like taking a millions "selfies" of your thoughts, emotions, feelings and actions and trying to connect the dots...and seeing the historical change in who you are or realizing what you thought you were sharing isn't at all what you were portraying.  It's been an interesting journey full of twists, turns, potholes, valleys, hills and flats.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is introspection is valuable.  One wise friend I have said to me once after I posted a quote of someone else on my FB page, "Why don't you post YOUR thoughts?"  Well...that got me thinking.  Why didn't I post my own thoughts?  Why did I constantly quote others?  Maybe...it was my low self-esteem shining through believing that I didn't have any worthwhile thoughts to share.  Maybe it was that I didn't think anyone was interested in my thoughts.  Maybe it was that it was faster and easier to grab someone else's quote than to sit and figure out what I thought in the first place.  Maybe I was taught it was selfish to focus on yourself and to use your own words...and it was "less-selfish" to quote others.  I was raised that selfishness isn't a good thing.

What I have discovered though, in this quest, this journey of self-discovery and how God made me -- is that in my opinion it isn't at all selfish to understand yourself and how God created me.  Studying my emotions and figuring out why in the world I am feeling what I am feeling at that moment in time is about as selfish as studying my horses so I can understand them and care for them well.  Formulating opinions and thoughts take energy and time.  Bit by bit, step by step the journey continues and invaluable lessons are learned. 

When you can love yourself as your Creator loves you, it opens the door to loving others in a way that you have never loved before.