Sometimes you gotta go

Every day I head outside at some point and look for my two horses.  Usually they aren't in the paddock or barn unless it is raining or snowing.  Usually they are in the pasture doing what they love to do -- eat.  

Now let me tell you a bit about my two four legged friends.  They both are geldings.  For you who are non-horse people  -- that means they are male.  They are older than 15 years.  We don't have paperwork on them and bought them from people who didn't raise them -- so with horses it's a guess of age by looking at physical signs.  That being said -- they have been around a few years.  We rescued Ryker last fall on our honeymoon.  He came to us starved -- about 400 pounds or more underweight and hungry.  VERY hungry.  We started loving on him, which for him meant feeding him.   I spent time with him, groomed him, and took him on walks on a lead rope.   It was weeks before I tried to get on his back.  He lacked muscle tone and stability.  Over time, he started to gain weight and I started exercising with him (basically he trotted -- I jogged beside him).  He was my buddy and always looked for me.  When I called -- he would come in an instant because my presence equated food.  

Enter Casanova onto the scene a few months later.  He is a paint mix breed.  Beautiful and stout and in great shape.  He quickly made friends with Ryker -- and now they are best buddies and don't like to be separated in any way -- especially in the pastures or on the trail or even if I am working with one -- the other is calling "Where are you???" from the stall.

So lately, as I go out to greet them and give them a little grain and a little loving each day -- I find that sometimes  Ryker doesn't come right away any more.   After a year of good feeding and exercise, Ryker has gained his weight back and is able to carry extra weight and be ridden.   I find that when I call, he doesn't come as readily.  In my opinion, he acts as though he is content with his pasture and friend and doesn't  seem to "need" my extra attention (as I try to personalize his behaviour).  Nevertheless, on those days when he hears me, and looks at me from across the pastureland and acknowledges me, but doesn't start moving towards me -- I call again and wait.  Then I call one more time and wait.  Some days, it just takes a second call.  Some days, it takes a third call.  Some days, he doesn't come at all -- and I go out to him.

I go out to him.  

Now some people would say -- that horse should come to you every time.  And part of me believes that.  But part of me says - why should he have to come to me all the time?  Why shouldn't I show him that I want to be with him -- and put forth the effort?  So on those days, I do put forth the effort.  I head out with a handful of grain or a carrot or just a smile and friendly words and find him wherever he might be.

As I have been thinking of good friendships and relationships this week, it struck me that if I want people in my life, I need to go to them.  But also, they need to come to me.  Healthy relationships don't end when one person stops being needy.  I believe both people can be healthy and still keep compromising, still reach for one another's presence in order to stay connected.  If we want someone in our life, we can't expect them to do all the reaching, nor can we do all the reaching.  It takes effort on both sides.  

Now, what would happen if I never made the effort to go out to the pasture?  Ryker would be fine with his grass.  He would be happy with his buddy Casanova and their relationship.  But our connection over time would fade if he didn't make the effort to see me or I didn't make the effort to see him.  Life would move on -- but a friendship would be lost.

Time to head out to the pasture...and find my friend.