There she goes...

A few minutes ago our college girl left for the second semester of her freshman year.

I miss her already.

It's funny how time seems to pass quickly when you are in the throes of moments  in your life you want to last and last.  Those moments where you are eking out every second -- because  you know it will never be captured again….until the next time...which will be different.  This moment is the only time you will have this moment. 

I think back to when I was a kid.  I grew up in the rolling hills of the State of Ohio.   It was the perfect place to spend hours outdoors.  There was much to do outside...trails to hike, streams to walk in, hills to bike, trees to climb and everything else that living in the country has to offer.  One of my summer time memories is of catching fireflies in the evening and putting them in a jar.  I would carefully poke holes in a jar lid so as to let them breathe after I had caught them.  They would rise up out of the ground by the thousands -- and it was a wonderful sight to see them glowing as they lit up the night.  After catching enough to make the jar glow bright, I would take the lid off the jar and set it on the ground and let them escape at their own pace.  Sometimes they immediately flew out and away.  Other times, I would come back to my jar in the morning and there would still be one or two left inside.

This past month  I got to see Moriah's bright light glow as she was home on break.  I loved seeing her every day -- even when she came home from work exhausted.  I loved having her at the dinner table with her brothers and listening to them tease and joke and share.  I loved watching them interact, seeing the hugs they would share and witness their teamwork in the kitchen.  I loved watching Christmas Hallmark movies with her as she painted her nails.  I loved hearing her stories from her workplace and talking about the next semester and what was in store.  The house was brighter with her light adding to the mix.

Today, as Moriah was driving down the lane, I felt much like I did as I released the fireflies.  I loved the glow of the fireflies and enjoyed their presence.  Yet, I knew I had to release them.  I knew that I had to share their glow with the rest of the world or else they soon would lose their light.

Go shine in your world, my daughter.  Your light is very, very bright.

Being a parent - reflections for Mother's Day 2015

I have learned this lesson well over the past 17.6 years....parenting is not for the faint of heart.  When the babies first come it takes every ounce of physical strength you have to push them into this world...and every ounce of physical strength as they tire you out by eating around the clock.  :)  Then as they grow, it takes every ounce of self-control not to succumb to their one track mind -  ME FIRST.  Adolescence brings on a whole new set of challenges as they are testing their wings (not fully formed) to fly.  This time of life takes every ounce of creative discipline, unconditional tough love, focus and tireless consistency. 

There is a saying "It was the best of times and the worst of times."  I fully understand that saying now that I have three teenagers in the house.  I think I have heard it all in the past three years.  Rarely does anything surprise me that they say or do. There are days when you feel loved, but their choices keep you up at night.  There are nights when you rest well, but your strength is gone by 7am after you try and get them to school on time.  There are times when you wonder if you are teaching them what they need to know to be productive, respectful, God-fearing citizens of this world.  You wonder if you have done enough or too much or not enough for them.  You pray and try not to worry, but you do anyway.  You read parenting books and articles year round hoping to find something that will help you connect and be a better parent.  All your energy goes first to them.  Your thoughts, your choices, your actions put their well-being at the forefront.

Before you have kids, nobody tells you of this marathon you must endure.  They tell you of only the easy, the cute, and the good things.  You don't realize what is coming...and it's probably a good thing you don't because if it were broadcasted how hard parenting is no one would have kids!  LOL. 

Parenting can lift your spirits unlike anything else or make your spirit sink lower than the black hole is deep.  There is great joy and great sadness.   The job comes with extreme emotions swinging like a pendulum.  Children are the light of your life and the challenge of a lifetime. 

I cherish our kids...even in the hard times when I want to sell them at a yard sale for free.  I wouldn't trade them for anyone else's kids even when I'm so bone weary I can't speak complete sentences.  I endure.  I press on.  I protect and instruct and enjoy....day after day being thankful for each moment I have them in my home.

Why is the option of giving up not an option when it comes to parenting? 

Because I know the day is coming when I  will wake up and not have to get them on the bus anymore.  I will not have to pack lunches or add money to their lunch accounts.  There will be no more homework to harp on.  No more parent teacher conferences.  No crazy chauffeuring here or there.  No more cheering at games or events.  No friends dropping by or making the meal stretch to feed more than it was intended.  The days are coming when I will get a raise because they have their own car insurance.  I know that there are days coming when I won't hear someone banging on the bathroom door yelling, "Don't take all the hot water!!"  There are days coming when my car will be in the driveway and I won't wonder if someone has left enough gas in it so I can to get to work the next day.  There are days coming when I will miss their hugs because they will be out on their own living their lives apart from me.

I realize that I won't stop being a parent just because they left the house and the next phase might be even harder than this one.  So for now, I endure and love them and bite my tongue and love them and enforce consequences and love them and find creative ways to let them know the universe doesn't revolve around them and love them... even when I am exhausted and at my wits end  and out of creative resources.   For me, I would choose no other option.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.