"Raindrops keep falling on my head"......

It's raining today.  

Some days I feel like walking in the rain.  Walking in the rain can be like taking a look back at all that you have learned.  

This morning, I read through my blogs of the past three years and that's exactly what it felt like -- a walk in the rain, carrying no umbrella with raindrops "falling on my head".

My blog post on Humanness especially made me stop and ponder this morning.  This time it brought out a lesson is in a different context.  

At that time when I wrote on humanness, I was focusing on accepting my OWN humanness.  Being okay with myself as I walk along this bumpy, rocky, and sometimes hilly journey we call life.  Being okay with the fact that sometimes I don't walk "well".  Being okay with the fact that I stumble, choose the wrong footing, fall, and have to struggle to get back up again.  Being okay with the fact that I am not perfect.  It was about accepting myself and realizing that being human doesn't make me a bad person.  It helps me to accept myself as I learn and grow and make mistakes.  Accept MYSELF.

Today, as I was reading those words and walking in "the rain" of my thoughts, more realizations started forming, but this time it wasn't about my humanness.  It was about the humanness and acceptance of OTHERS.

Others = The people I love -- the ones in my tribe, my circle of acquaintances, and my family are all HUMAN!

In being human they are like me.  They stumble, and fall, and struggle, and choose words and actions unwisely, offend, and get stuck....just like me. 

They want to be accepted by their circle....just like me.

They want to be heard and loved....just like me.

They want to feel the sun on their face and feel free and at peace....just like me.

At times they might not be willing or ready to let certain things go yet....just like me.

They might need a friend to walk with....just like me.

Accepting those humans around me is just as important as accepting myself.  In fact, I found it to be harder because for some reason at times it is my nature to hold them to higher standards than I do myself.  For some reason, it's easy to believe that those humans around me should learn their lessons faster, be kinder,  struggle less, believe in themselves more, and  be this perfectly perfect person.... unlike me.  

Why should I believe that their journey of humanness is so different than mine?

It is wrong of me to think so, and when I can see my humans -- ALL humans with that frame of mind, then I believe it starts to set me free.  My spirit and mind become more open, and I start to feel more at peace within myself.  It's like giving them a "Get out of jail free" card from the Monopoly game I played long ago.  In my spirit and thoughts I extend grace to them as they live in their humanness. 

Extending grace and accepting people, however, doesn't mean the logical consequences of actions and words (positive or negative) go away.  

What it does mean is that my frame of mind in reference to them is different. 

It mean that at times it is easier to set down the "victim" hat and move forward in my own humanness.  It means that the old anxiety and strife when I think of a human that has wronged me doesn't bubble up as often...or to the same extent.  

It means that in my mind I can be healthy -- even if they are not.

Out of focus?

I love the picture above.  Let me tell you why.  I think the pond on our farm is one of the most relaxing places to hang out.  You hear the breeze blow through the pines, the birds dive around the water looking for bugs and food -- and you occasionally hear the fish plop back into the water as they make a break for the sunshine.   There are no chores at the pond (Okay-- I take that back.  The dock could use a good sanding) that cannot be overlooked for the moments that you spend there. 

The main reason I love the picture though is not just because of its restful setting.  The main reason I love this photo because of how the photo is focused on the foreground.  The photo reminds me -- sometimes the scope of my thinking and perspective is all about what I focus on.

I must admit, lately I've been in a dry spell that has zapped my creative thinking.  Sometimes the ADL's (activities of daily living) of life overwhelm the creative energy that one can have.  It's spring at the farm -- which means there is grass and pastures to be mowed, gardens to plant, weed and tend, and flower beds to cultivate and mulch added to the normal activities of horse stall cleaning, grooming, groundwork and riding, pigeon breeding season and loft management as well as household chores, parenting and feeding my flock.  :)    I am not complaining about any of those activities I just listed for I love each one  (really, I truly don't mind the mowing or stall cleaning) -- it's just that my full life just gets a bit fuller when the weather is beautiful and there is much to be done outside.  I love being outside.

The dry spell surfaces when I don't take the time to be still with my own thoughts, a piece of paper and pencil.  The dry spell comes when my focus is on all the doing and the focus is clear and sharp in that area.   The dry spell stays when I forget that I have the power to zoom in -- or out.  My days add up to the choices I make each day and when I forget to make the choice to focus on creativity -- that is when the creative oasis seems far away.

I once heard the idea that "Good things keep you from the greatest thing."  I have come to tweak and expand that quote a bit -- for my own healthy living.  I say, "Good things can keep you from excellent things." 

None of those things in my list of ADL's are bad.  In fact, they are all good things.  They help out the family and bring me joy in doing them.  However, when I do good things -- and leave no room for expansion -- those good things can keep me from perhaps what might become excellent.  The focus that is now on the foreground -- might be missing something wonderful in the background.

I know if you've read my blog at all in the past two years you find that I think a lot about focus and perspective.  I am growing in that area as I journey along life's path.  I think our perspectives and what we choose to focus on lends us power.  Not power over people -- but power over our lives.  We see choices that we might never have seen before -- or see the ability to make decisions that we never thought we could make.   When I realize there are choices in my journey, it makes me feel liberated and opens up paths I might never have noticed.

The beauty of focus. 

Now do you see why I like the photo?

I can see clearly now....

Today I had my eyes dilated.  

One thing you probably don't know about me is that when I was a toddler I had an eye injury that almost took my sight in my right eye.  Every eye doctor who has looked in my eye since that time has said the same thing, "WOW!  Look at that!  What happened to you?  THAT'S AMAZING -- you are one lucky girl that you can even see anything out of that eye."  They go on and on as they look at the scars and pigment floating inside my eye and the jagged scar across the outer lens of my eye.  Today was no different.

You see, I have vision in both eyes -- not good vision, but I am able to see.  I am GRATEFUL for corrective lenses for without them my world would be one big blur.  When things are blurry and out of focus constantly you end up second guessing yourself, your judgment, your thoughts -- basically everything around you.  Your depth perception is non-existent -- field of vision -- peripheral vision -- nothing is clear.  Your world turns gray and dark as you try to feel your way around -- counting steps -- choosing the familiar.

Today as I stepped out of the ophthalmologist's office all I could think was WOW!  It's a bright, bright world out here! I had to head back into the building to find my sunglasses in my bag, put them on and then head out once again into the brightness of the day.  The thing is today is actually a very cloudy day.  No sunshine, no shadows -- just heavy cloud cover. Most people would say it's a gray overcast day -- yuck.  I might even have said that -- as I went into the office.  Coming out of the office, however, my mindset had completely changed.

Isn't that funny how a single event can change your perspective?  

Maybe you had three choices -- and now only two -- and what was less in your perspective just became more.  Maybe you were almost run over -- and your perspective on life shifted so that you are thankful for living one more day.  Maybe what used to be important -- just faded into the background as you are choosing to live in this moment -- not past moments.  

I know I have spoken a lot about perspective.  That's because mine is changing.  I hope you will bear with me while I share.

There is so much in one's life that can change in an instant.  We tend to gravitate towards those "events" in our lives:  the close calls; the missed calls; the opportunities not taken.  We focus on what could have been rather than what IS.  Today, I want to choose to be grateful for what IS.  Not only do I choose to be grateful for what IS --but WHO is.

I am grateful for those who choose to be present with me.  I am grateful for those who choose to show me that they love me and work to include me in their circle of influence.  I am grateful for those people who respond to my friendship, laugh with me, and spend time with me.  Being grateful for those around me helps keep my focus outward, but I am also learning to be grateful for me.  

Me.  

My thoughts, my feelings, my weirdness.  Me.

Some people would call that narcissism.  Some would call it selfishness.

Others call it self-love.  Positive self-esteem.  Positive regard for oneself.

See, I'm learning to regard myself as someone who counts.  Someone who has worth.  Someone who has value and who might not be like E.F. Hutton, but who might have a nugget here and there to share.  I am learning that there is nothing wrong with thinking such things or saying such things because I still know where I came from and who my Maker is.  Trust me -- learning positive self-talk is not an easy thing for me.  I struggle with self-love.  It's much easier to love others than myself.

I think I need to remember to look at myself through dilated pupils every day.  I need to remember those close calls, but not stop there.  I need to let them open a world of not only what IS, but WHO IS.

A Unique Perspective

I think about relationships a lot.  We humans are complex beings!  We desire to be loved and be in communion with others and yet at times it seems like there is nothing more challenging than being in relationship with someone else.

I am learning that as I am in relationship with someone else (any type of relationship) no matter how close I get to them, how  much I know them,  how much time I spend with them or how much I want to change their perspective the fact remains that their reality is not my reality.  They come into our connection with their own perceptions, history, thoughts and emotions which leads them to perceive differently than me.

This is a hard lesson to learn because often I think that being loved and accepted equates the need to agree with me and see things from my perspective.   I am learning that there is no sweeter love than to be in relationship with someone and to not have to agree or see things from the same vantage point.

Why is it that I equate love with agreement?  Why do I often feel that if someone doesn't agree with me that they don't like me?  At times, why have I at times put up walls around me shutting out those that don't agree with me?  Do I make others feel unloved when I don't agree with them?  These are hard questions that have been swirling around in my mind.

I hope that I convey an air of wanting to understand as different viewpoints are shared.  I hope that the basic love I have for another human comes shining through as I listen.  I hope that I validate what they are saying and aim for understanding their perspective.  I also hope that I am able to convey my thoughts without excuse or persuasion.

There is a vulnerability and intimacy in relationships where thoughts, feelings and logic can be shared openly while coexisting with an underlying foundation of seeking to understand.  It's amazing to me the freedom that comes with a place of feeling totally loved and accepted, yet not agreed with.  One feels as though they are accepted for who they are and there is a freedom to be who you are without masks or cover-ups.  In life there is usually more than one perspective and recognizing that truth helps us to remember -- one perspective doesn't have to be right and the other wrong.

Acceptance does not mean agreement.  In this instance, acceptance does mean that you can be in the same room with someone , engage in conversation with them, even hang out and do things with them and you don't have to support their viewpoint.  Acceptance means that you can love someone -- even LIKE  them and come from two different directions on an issue.

Mary Anne Radmacher in her book Live Boldly tells this story.   "When my friends Suze and Jonathan got married, I gave them an unusual gift - a pair of opera glasses outfitted with prisms instead of long-distance lenses.  I told them to use these glasses when they were having a disagreement.  Why?  Because a prism provides so many different images of a single view.  It is a literal reminder that while one thing may be the subject of the argument, there can be so many different ways of looking at it." (C 2008 by mary anne radmacher:  pg 21)

I love that tangible picture.  Now when someone disagrees with me, I am reminded to hold their perspective up to the prism -- and not feel threatened or afraid that my perspective is wrong.  It's just one way of thinking about it out of many.

Growing pains: thoughts on feelings

Whenever I think of the word "feelings"  my mind automatically goes to the first five words of the song "Feelings by Louis Gasté, 1973.  "Feelings, nothing more than feelings..."

WOW.  That's a blast from the past, isn't it? 

Embedded in my memory are those five words and the tune.  In my journey of late, this is the area I am concentrating on.  Let me admit to you -- this is hard work. 

Now, as you read this, you might think:  "You are a woman.  All you have are feelings and you are in tune with them being of the female gender."  I will admit.  I  have feelings, but I am not always in tune with them.  That's the problem.

Oftentimes it's hard to even put into words what I am feeling, so I have taken to carrying around a feelings chart I found online.   Words mean things to me -- and being able to identify what is passing through my mind and heart and spirit is meaningful to me -- and hard work.  In the past, I have buried my feelings until they have come up and out like a volcano (not always in a positive manner).  Now, on this leg of my journey, I am understanding that healing and moving forward means acknowledging what I am feeling and speaking it.   Good, bad, or ugly -- name it.  Don't judge it.  Name it.

Now this might sound kooky -- but  am beginning to practice naming things.  I look around and see things and name them.  Then I ask myself -- how does that thing, person, event -- whatever I named -- make me feel in this moment.  Not what it made me feel in the past.  Not what it might feel like tomorrow -- but right now.  The words I use go beyond your basic feeling words of sad, happy, angry -- and become more specific:  joyful, disappointed, loving, valuable, confused, and so on.

Blogging these very thoughts makes me feel vulnerable.

I believe that being able to name what I am feeling, not what I am thinking (which comes much easier for me), is part of my healing.  It is part of beginning to trust myself and others.  It is part of recognizing who I was created to be.  It is the foundation of being able to love in the agape way.  I want to grow in my relationships and in order to do that, the growth starts with me.

My therapist gave me homework.  I am to start thinking about and finish the following statement: 

"I feel _____________, when you _______________.  I need _______________." 

This is one of the hardest homework assignments I have ever done.  To not only have to NAME my feeling but to point out what brought that feeling on -- AND say aloud what I need (which is also extremely hard for me to voice) is exhausting.  It also is freeing.  It is teaching me I can acknowledge how I am feeling and what brought that feeling on  without laying blame -- and also frees me to say what I need in that moment.

I am experiencing growing pains.  This journey isn't all about smelling the roses.  Sometimes the path gets muddy and I have to get stuck in the mud and lose my shoes before moving forward out of the pit to more solid ground.

No longer and not yet

As a music teacher, part of my job is to teach rhythm.  For many students the notes come easy and the rhythm is hard.  For others, the rhythm comes naturally and learning the notes is a battle.   I love teaching rhythm.  I teach the student to verbalize the rhythm, clap it, tap it and play it.  It is easy to make games and make learning fun.  After awhile I let the students tap out the rhythms on their own, looking at a pattern of notation.  I find that one of the hardest things are for students to observe the rests in the pattern.

Silence is a powerful tool in music.  The space between sounds and notes can make one hungry for more.  It can make also make an impact leaving time for one to think about what has come before the rests.  Rests of any length create an energy, stopping the flow of sound.  Without the rests music would not stop from beginning to end.

I have learned a lot about myself in the past couple years.  I actually keep a list to review for a couple reasons:  one, because there has been much to absorb and two, it is hard to remember everything and keep it fresh.  Learning and integrating what I have learned takes reminders.  I have found not all lessons are learned the first time.  Not all characteristics are noted cognitively and internalized in one circumstance.  Not all emotions can be analyzed until the tide of emotion has gone out and thinking has taken place in a more peaceful moment.  Sometimes it takes repeated tries for a new skill or awareness to sink in.  Being human can be frustrating (spoken like  a closet perfectionist)!

One thing I have learned about myself is that I can be impatient much like some of my music students and not want to honor the space between no longer and not yet in my life.

So much can happen in that space.

Processing.  Peace.  Breathing.  Sleep.  Joy.  Being mindful.  Listening.  Forgiveness.  Acceptance.  Silence. 

If I get impatient or excited and want to move to the next thing, or shorten the period of rest to a shorter rest than what is deserved, then I miss the impact that the rest can have in me.  I not only will miss the impact, but might not learn the entire lesson I need to learn.  I am learning that a fermata (a hold) over the rest, the space that is between what was and what will be is something that doesn't stop the growth in my life, but accelerates how cognizant I become of what I am learning.  Resting allows me to be mindful of the lesson and gives me the time to integrate what I am learning.  It forces to me wait on my myself or others and not move on to the new thought, the new habit, the new issue that needs to be addressed.

Some people call this place the waiting room.  Some people call this a plateau.  Some call it a rest.  I call it the place between what was and what is yet to be.  Regardless of what you call it...the value of honoring that space is undeniable.

Lesson from Woolly Worms

I think the woolly worm is my favorite worm of all.   (Okay, typing that statement is weird!)

I am thinking about the woolly worm because I have seen so many lately.  My husband, Paul, and I like to ride bikes.  We have a certain route we take when our time is limited and on that route I notice things as I ride.  I notice crickets and grasshoppers, drying corn in the fields, the color of the leaves on the trees on the mountainside, the traffic (or lack thereof) on the route, the eggplant field and so much more.  But what has amazed me of late are the  woolly worms that have crossed my path on that route. 

Now, as a kid, when encountering a woolly worm, I would hold it and pet the spiky "fur" (or whatever it is called) and especially take notice of the color of the worm.  I have been told that a total black woolly worm means a cold harsh winter with lots of snow.  Brown woolly worms forecast a warmer, mild winter.  Woolly worms that are brown and black forecast an early cold or a mid-season warm and then a cool down again -- or the opposite depending upon where the black and brown are on the worm.

I must say, that the worms I have seen on the last few bike rides have blown my childhood weather forecasting basis right out of the water!  I have seen on the same ride one black woolly  worm, one brown woolly worm and at least one brown/black combo woolly worm.    HOW CAN THAT BE????

As I was riding along today thinking about this, I decided that there was a message for me in the woolly worms I had seen.  That message was that no one can forecast the future.   We might have indicators from nature about the weather (red sky at night sailor's delight/ red sky in the morning, sailor's warning), feel a cold coming on, but when you look into the future -- each day brings what it will bring and no one really knows what is coming next. 

What does that mean to me?  Live today in the moment.  Enjoy each moment.  Don't look for forecasts for this or that in life -- signs or woolly worms to tell me what is coming;  but get up, look at the sky and enjoy the sun/rain/clouds/fog/snow -- or whatever it might bring.  Get up in the morning and hug my husband and kids, tell them I love them -- and look forward to the adventure each day brings - come what may.  

Do more...

I saw this thought on my friend's FB page for her business and it struck a chord with me.  See, I have lived with someone who takes photos...when there are no photos to take except of herself.  I have also been the one to document the lives of my children in family - from behind the camera.  I love photos...I am a visual person.  I just organized over 2000 photos on my drive from the past few years (Way too many, I know!)   I also love words that create pictures...a good story grabs me from the start.

But as I saw this quote...it struck a chord in my heart.  Do more...participate in life....connect with those who are within touching range.

Yes, I have friends who aren't within touching range...some of them are the best friends of my life.  I keep connected through the phone and words and pictures and letters and cards...because I can't see them in person.  However, when I DO see them in person, I want to seize the moments...and remember...document them by A photo or two --- and let the rest be in my memory.  

I want to remember this while I am in my family room with the boys, sitting on the porch with my husband, visiting with friends for a weekend, or just sitting outside listening to the birds sing while the sun is setting.  I want to remember that the here and now escapes...and it is lost forever unless I notice and participate in what is going on around me.

Now, I'm not going to abandon the camera -- or my phone and throw them out the window.  What I want to do, though, is to be more intentional about living...not more intentional about documenting life around me.  Thoughts for today...

Unwillingness

I remember the days of Junior High Science class taught by Mr. Fry.  Now, in my expert middle school mind Mr. Fry was not hip in the 80's.  If I remember correctly, he wore plaid pants from the 70's and white shirts every day.  He carried pens in his front shirt pocket.  He was not the handsomest of men.  He had a funny way of walking/hopping/striding about the front of the room when teaching.  His voice was shrill and I wouldn't call him a gentle spirit.   However unusual Mr. Fry was  as a human being in my perception, Mr. Fry changed the path of my life.  I am forever grateful to him.

I was a pretty good student...mostly A's and B's...usually A's back in the day...until Junior High Science class.  For some reason, I went into a slump and was not excelling.  I was interested in music and boys and exciting classes like Enrichment Class where I got to study and research things I was interested in such as horses (always a love in my life).  Science, to me at the time, had no connection to what I was going to do or needed to learn.  Mr. Fry, as unusual as he was in his teaching style, didn't keep my attention and I became despondent in class not showing much effort.

At that time we were studying a unit on geology.  Now, I love nature.  I love being outside more than inside.  I love enjoying all that God created on this earth.  But rocks?  Come on.  What is interesting about rocks?  Mind you, these weren't gemstones.  They were your basic rocks you might find in your driveway or garden.  The test for the unit was coming fast and we were to recognize 50 different types of rocks by sight and know their class and name and specifications.  You might not know this about me, but I am horrible at memorizing things.  Even to this day, I struggle with that part of my mind.   Memorizing the material seemed like an impossible task and I wasn't trying as hard as I could have.

I was slumped in my seat, not really listening in class when Mr. Fry stopped beside me.  He looked at me and said, "Miss Hancock, you are your own worst enemy.  If you think you can't do something you will never be able to do it."  YIKES!  Singled out among my fellow students, called by name and I felt like my fortune was read!  I was humiliated and angry and slumped further in my seat, but that day a seed was planted.  The seed was...someone saw potential in me to succeed  and I didn't see it within myself.  I had given up on myself.  I had written my own path and had chosen the road of unwillingness.  Mr. Fry, for all intents and purposes became a catalyst to change.  Something within me was challenged to not give up when he singled me out and I wanted to prove him differently.

I searched for ways of memorizing those rocks.  I made index cards, lists and studied and to no avail...I could not remember more than 10-12 of the rocks.  I got the idea to put the rocks and their information to music.   The song I chose was "Over the Rainbow" from the Wizard of Oz (as it was very popular back then and I had taped it on my recorder and listened to it a million times).  The test came and the identification process started....rocks 1-50.  Amazingly...I got an A on that test....my original arrangement of the song afforded my brain the right language to memorize the facts.  I was stunned.  Mr. Fry was ecstatic and gave me the "I told you so" speech...this time celebrating my success in front of everyone. 

I learned something that day.  I learned a valuable life lesson.  I have the power within me to create my path but it takes a willingness.  Being willing is a choice.  It's not genetic.  It's not bred into us.  It is a choice we have when we are faced with things we don't want to learn or do or tackle in this life.  Willingness is a mindset that will afford us the opportunity to learn things we never thought we could.  Willingness is a mindset that affects my courage to try new things.  Willingness is a mindset that affects my entire life. 

Thanks, Mr. Fry.  I am deeply grateful for what you taught me that day.

Humanness

I must admit something out loud today.  On paper. 

I am HUMAN.

I am "imperfect, flawed and ordinary" - in the words of Trudy Archambeau.

Therefore, I make mistakes.  I mess up.  I sin.  I err.  I fail and fail miserably.

It's another one of those things I have learned about myself and for some reason at times it is VERY hard to admit.

Being human sometimes looks like me beating myself up over bad choices I have made.  Being human sometimes looks like me doing the happy dance (with little coordination) celebrating a good choice I have made.  Being human means realizing when I have come to the end of myself and I CAN'T.  (Not that I won't try -- cause I was wired to try and try and try again.)  Can't = the realization that whatever I am attempting is beyond my capabilities (like lifting 100 pound bags of anything).

In my life I have had plenty of time to look back at past choices (good and bad)  and see the path that came from making them.  I can trace how my life path changed because of this or that action.  I can look back and feel sadness or joy.  Either one makes me contemplate.  I will be very honest here and say that I have a tendency to focus on the negative choices I have made over the years.   I wonder what life would be like if I hadn't made the choices I have.  Some decisions were "worse" than others in my mind...but alas, that is the human speaking in me.  Errors are errors.  There is no small or big error.  It's an error.  Good choices are good choices.  Bad choices are bad choices. 

In wanting to be healthy and move forward in my life, I need to remember not to" cling to the past mistakes no matter how much time I spent making them" (Dr. Laura).  I see the mistake.  I know the mistake.  I lived the mistake.  I chose the mistake.  I acknowledge my part of them.  I even confess and take responsibility  (whatever that might look like) for my choice.  Then, I need to remember -- LOOK FORWARD and MOVE ON working at not to repeating the same mistake.  I can't cling to the mistake I made 25 years ago -- if I did how healthy would I be?  I wouldn't be healthy at all.  I believe nothing is gained from reliving the past over and over and over.  So that being said, I am learning there is a time and place, alas, a season for everything. (Ecclesiastes 3 - or in the days of the old 45's - I would play that record over and over - the  song Turn! Turn! Turn! By THE BYRDS). 

There is a time for everything.  EVERYTHING.  That means the opposite of my previous paragraphs are true.  I can't dwell on past choices that have brought me joy either.  I can't cling to them...and hold them in high esteem and not move forward.  I cannot relive the past and be stuck in that one grand moment.  It is time for new thoughts.  New experiences.  New horizons.  New joys.  New paths created by my choices or making good choices to stay on the same path.  I need to acknowledge my part in them.  Confess them.  Acknowledge they are a part of my life path and MOVE ON.

For me, growth looks like accepting my humanness...the negative AND the positive.

Being a parent - reflections for Mother's Day 2015

I have learned this lesson well over the past 17.6 years....parenting is not for the faint of heart.  When the babies first come it takes every ounce of physical strength you have to push them into this world...and every ounce of physical strength as they tire you out by eating around the clock.  :)  Then as they grow, it takes every ounce of self-control not to succumb to their one track mind -  ME FIRST.  Adolescence brings on a whole new set of challenges as they are testing their wings (not fully formed) to fly.  This time of life takes every ounce of creative discipline, unconditional tough love, focus and tireless consistency. 

There is a saying "It was the best of times and the worst of times."  I fully understand that saying now that I have three teenagers in the house.  I think I have heard it all in the past three years.  Rarely does anything surprise me that they say or do. There are days when you feel loved, but their choices keep you up at night.  There are nights when you rest well, but your strength is gone by 7am after you try and get them to school on time.  There are times when you wonder if you are teaching them what they need to know to be productive, respectful, God-fearing citizens of this world.  You wonder if you have done enough or too much or not enough for them.  You pray and try not to worry, but you do anyway.  You read parenting books and articles year round hoping to find something that will help you connect and be a better parent.  All your energy goes first to them.  Your thoughts, your choices, your actions put their well-being at the forefront.

Before you have kids, nobody tells you of this marathon you must endure.  They tell you of only the easy, the cute, and the good things.  You don't realize what is coming...and it's probably a good thing you don't because if it were broadcasted how hard parenting is no one would have kids!  LOL. 

Parenting can lift your spirits unlike anything else or make your spirit sink lower than the black hole is deep.  There is great joy and great sadness.   The job comes with extreme emotions swinging like a pendulum.  Children are the light of your life and the challenge of a lifetime. 

I cherish our kids...even in the hard times when I want to sell them at a yard sale for free.  I wouldn't trade them for anyone else's kids even when I'm so bone weary I can't speak complete sentences.  I endure.  I press on.  I protect and instruct and enjoy....day after day being thankful for each moment I have them in my home.

Why is the option of giving up not an option when it comes to parenting? 

Because I know the day is coming when I  will wake up and not have to get them on the bus anymore.  I will not have to pack lunches or add money to their lunch accounts.  There will be no more homework to harp on.  No more parent teacher conferences.  No crazy chauffeuring here or there.  No more cheering at games or events.  No friends dropping by or making the meal stretch to feed more than it was intended.  The days are coming when I will get a raise because they have their own car insurance.  I know that there are days coming when I won't hear someone banging on the bathroom door yelling, "Don't take all the hot water!!"  There are days coming when my car will be in the driveway and I won't wonder if someone has left enough gas in it so I can to get to work the next day.  There are days coming when I will miss their hugs because they will be out on their own living their lives apart from me.

I realize that I won't stop being a parent just because they left the house and the next phase might be even harder than this one.  So for now, I endure and love them and bite my tongue and love them and enforce consequences and love them and find creative ways to let them know the universe doesn't revolve around them and love them... even when I am exhausted and at my wits end  and out of creative resources.   For me, I would choose no other option.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

What Hinders Resonance

In my last post I explored the surface of acknowledging that resonance is created in my life through my communication and the way I live my life.  Moving further, in this post I want to explore what hinders resonance in my life.

Returning  to the examples of what happens in my music studio,  I'll start with the piano because that is the easiest one to explain and imagine.  I described in the last post how the strings resonate and overtones vibrate and resonate if the strings are left unhindered by the felts.  The felts are controlled by a pedal under the piano.  Once the pedal is pressed, the felts rise and every string is free to resonate as a note is played.  A vibrancy of sound and life can be heard and even felt.  Then as I lift my foot, the felts on the strings fall between and surround each string hampering the vibrations.  Only the uppermost octave which does not have dampers (because the strings are shorter) are left to vibrate.  The ear doesn't detect the vibrations as easily on the higher strings as on lower sounding strings. 

I describe that picture so that you can see that I get to control what vibrates.  I choose when I want to give the strings freedom to vibrate and resonate and I choose when to stop the vibration.  On an instrument it's pretty cut and dry.

When you move into the land of the sung resonation, the world shifts.  Sometimes we don't even recognize what hinders the tone from resonating.  It could be many things:  lack of space, lack of support, too much support or physical restrictions impeding the airflow just to name a few.  It takes concentration and awareness of one's own instrument to narrow down what is restricting the vibrancy of the tone and make the changes necessary to restore vibrancy.

I love both examples as I think they both apply to what I call our "life resonance".  Sometimes, we don't feel like resonating with anyone and we shut it down on purpose.  We let the damper pedal do it's work and we choose to cut off the flow of vibrancy within us.  Other times, we try and try to communicate a certain level of energy or connection and we cannot figure out why in the world we aren't coming across to others as we desire.  That leads me to ask what restricts our "life resonance"?  The words in the box above are just a few that describe obstructions to resonance.    As I look at the list, these words not only block resonance, but also can restrict RECEIVING the resonance of someone -but that is for another day's thoughts!

Fear, distractions, anger, closed-mindedness, pain, stress, legalism, tension, impatience, weariness and pushing or forcefulness can be restrictors to open resonation.  They distract us from allowing the balance of the breath, spirit, and open vibration of the tones of our spirit to resonate to those around us.  Personally, fear is a restrictor in my life.  Worrying about what others might think, how I will be received, am I on the right track (whatever that might look like or be)  and a myriad of other negative self-talk squashes my resonance in one fail swoop.  I am slowly learning how to keep that damper pedal depressed so that my fear doesn't override my resonance.  I find that I feel the most healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually when I refrain from giving power to my fears.  I am more self-confident to be who I was created to be if I don't surrender the power of my resonance to fear.

I am learning resonation is a choice.  Consciously or unconsciously my "life resonance" is restricted by my thought patterns and actions.  Sometimes I am not aware of the problem and have to go searching for which restrictor is blocking my openness.  On other days I know full well which control is in place.  My goal is to resonate fully, positively, bringing out the best in those whom I come in contact with in my journey.  I want to stand on one side of the room and for others to feel the positive openness of my "life resonance". 

So this leads me to ask myself frequently and ask you, my fellow sojourner....What blocks your resonation?  Which limits  do you allow to control or are controlling your "life resonance"?

Resonance

ˈrezənəns

the quality in a sound of being deep, full, and reverberating.

"the resonance of his voice"

the ability to evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions.
"the concepts lose their emotional resonance"
 

(Pasted from <https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=definition%20of%20resonance>) 

There is so much to say on this topic, I am going to break this down into two days of writings.  It makes my head swim to think of the ramifications of resonance in my life.  Today, I'll take on thinking through the positives of resonance.  Later, I'll explore what might hinder resonance in our lives.

I think of resonance all the time as a musician.  As a vocal teacher, I have the opinion that the ability to create resonance  is one of the qualities that sets one vocalist apart from the other.  I work a lot with my students on being aware of  the sound they are creating and what it feels like/sounds like when they are resonating fully.  When they resonate fully there is a richness, a depth to the sound that makes you want to hear more.  I also have to consider what impedes resonance and not only try to explain that to my students but demonstrate it as well.

As a pianist, I know that if I play a single note on my acoustic piano, push the damper pedal down and listen carefully, I can hear the overtones of that note vibrating on other strings.  One single note affecting multiple strings around it.  There is a scientific explanation for that, but I don't want to go down that road right now.  If I release the damper pedal, the felts fall onto the strings and I am left with the resonance of one single note as long as that one note is held down.

That knowledge brings me to where my thoughts are this morning on resonance in our lives.  What overtones are created in those around me as I live my life?  Am I even aware of the effect I have on others?  What dampens and impedes my resonance into the lives of those around me? 

How we interact with others creates resonance.  Your persona creates resonance.  Motivation is resonance.  I believe  body language and facial expression create unvoiced resonance.  Words and tone create resonance.  Style creates resonance.  You have heard the phrase "She/he brings out the best/worst in me."  That is resonance. 

I have come to believe that in life inner resonance will shine through if someone journeys with you long enough.  Inner resonance cannot be hidden for long.  One can throw up road blocks, take on another image, speak in certain ways or do things to fit into specific surroundings, but that deep inner resonance will shine through even those actions.

What could resonance look like to those around us?  Here might be just a few words to describe what resonance might look like or even feel like:  "affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity, a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people, loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life and an ability to marshal and direct our energies wisely." (Gal 5:22-23 MSG)

"When people of similar frequencies come together, output is not a simple sum of individual work, but exponential.  In science we term this phenomenon as resonance.  Output at this state is beyond any logical limit."  - Ravindra Shukla, A Maverick Heart:  Between Love and Life

Resonance looks like many things in my life.  I challenge myself with the thought that it is possible that every encounter someone has with us...has the possibility to resonate something within them.  I pause to reflect on that statement because of the sheer power of the words.  It's more than the words I speak, but HOW I interact as my motives shine through.

What overtones am I creating with my life in the lives of those around me?